BABA (Frozen Memories) is inspired by the English idiom “to freeze (someone/something) in one’s memory” which means keeping and maintaining the memories of said someone or something, according to Farlex Dictionary of Idioms. Remembering pleasant memory is one of the ways people can ‘go back in time’ especially for those who have lost their loved ones. This action is known as the last stage of grief, according to Kubler Ross, that is acceptance. After accepting the death or separation from the deceased, we would find ways to remember and memorialize the deceased (Fernandez, Comerchero NCSP, Brown NCSP, Woahn & NCSP, 2015). Despite accepting the death, remembering and dwelling is sometimes bittersweet as it could either give a sense of comfort and contentment or (still) inflict emotional pain to the person. Each person copes with grief differently as there are no right or wrong way to grieve. Either way, for us to keep the memories alive, we could ‘freeze’ it so it would not slowly melt and dissipate as time went by.
Introduction
This series is dedicated to my late father (Baba), or Mohd Azahan bin Mohamed Noor, who left on 20th December 2018 at the age of 53. He was a father of three, two boys and one girl. He was always supportive towards his children, never the one to disagree to any of their interests. He would try to help in any way he can, even when he cannot. He was a creative and a well-rounded man. He could paint, draw, write poetries, sing, and do carpentry. He also likes to buy and collect fishes to put in his aquarium and he would spend his time feeding and watching them. He was funny and random at times too, never failed to joke around with his kids. He was strong and patient while he face through many hardships.
Motivation & Inspiration
I was very close with my father as I am the only girl. He was the main reason why I took an interest towards art since he was an artist himself. We would often go to galleries together whenever he has the time. I can say that my motivation to achieve success has always been him. Can you imagine how I felt when I knew my motivation has been taken away from me? I felt as my whole world has turned to black and white, there was no joy, no happiness, just sorrow and pain. I felt empty for a long time. Losing someone you love, someone you look up to, someone you cherished so much, will cause you pain you never felt before yet you still have to go through it sooner or later.
Health Complications
In 2014-2015, he started having health complications. It started with his heart, so he has to go through several surgeries because of it. Soon after, his kidney started failing which led to him having to rely on dialysis for the rest of his life. Ever since that, I watched him slowly getting worse and there is nothing that I can do to help. I tried to ease him whenever I had the chance to, but I was also busy my studies at the time. It was hard for me to go see him often as my mother lived in Terengganu while he was in Kuala Lumpur. He has went through a lot, both physical and emotional pain but there was not much that I can do for him. I have so many regrets towards my father, very truthful to the saying ‘you never really appreciate something until it is no longer there anymore’.
Acceptance
In conclusion, I felt that this series had helped me go through my regrets and sorrow which now have turned into acceptance and relief. This journey was very hard for me to go through, countless of cries throughout the process, yet I am satisfied with what it made me feel now. Death in general is something you cannot avoid, what you can do is just live on and make the best of it while it is still there. Appreciate those around you, always be nice to others because you may never know when the time will come.
